It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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