that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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