at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
