Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
