When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
