and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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