dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
