oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i now understand why vodka
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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