I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
