I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
