Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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