Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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