There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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