The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
