No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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