How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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