I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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