i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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