I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
