Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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