First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
