Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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