I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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