Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
