Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
