Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
