dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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