You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
