Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
