census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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