google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
