it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
