i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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