yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
