Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
