You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
