Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
