Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
