Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
