oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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