like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
