u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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