Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
