dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
