Got a toothbrush?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
