I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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