90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
