I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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