Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
