I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A+ Viking dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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