Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
