i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
