Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
