If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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